Where is my mind?

So, sometimes I blame myself, sometimes I blame others. But mostly I think I blame myself. It's not impossible you know. It's not even hard. But I just can't do it, I just hate it, I'll fail. "If you can dream it, you can do it" I love that motto but it's hard to follow it ... And "think positive, be positive" and so on .... it's easier said than done! Well it isn't that hard maybe, if you just put some effort in it.. Maybe if I was better it wouldn't be like this, maybe it wouldn't have happened, everything would be just fine. ?

I'm sorry, my head is just a hole with a mashed boiled brain right now. I can't concentrate I can't think I can't feel... Well that's just how I deal with things, I become passive and shut down. It's like I have an "Off-switch" or something. . I feel that familiar sinking feeling in my stomach, and my friend Empty is taking place in my head.

I'm glad that I'll be with Amalia within a few hours, and then stuff I've erased, and later tonight I'm off to Carro and we'll eat tacos and I'll sleep at her place :D

Yday my lil' sis made "chokladbollar/kokosbollar/negerbollar" xD it was super yummie! :D And later I went to Carro, I slept there, but she had to work today so I went home to my dad's empty place this morning, and I'm watching Disney Channel, they're showing TINKER BELL ! :D

PEACE!

Spit it out

SPIT - IT OUT

All you wanna do is drag me down

All I wanna do is stamp you out

I've realised this before though, but I'm afraid. I'm always afraid. Why is that?

How come I'm always so afraid of putting myself out there, to face failure, embarrassment and to be hurt? It's like my mind keep saying it's okey to be you and don't even dare to spend a second wondering about what other thinks of you, what you just did or said. But at the same time that's exactly what I'm doing. Hah, funny thing that it's always much easier to convince yourself that you're wrong rather than right. I never go all the way when it comes to anything, whether it's a "fling" that I want to be something more, losing weight, writing an essay or when I've found a new hobby. I've always expected failure even before I've started and then just given up. Ah, attitude problem, what's wrong with me!? Sorry for this little opening up thingy, it's hardly anyone that reads this anyway, and my only two followers I've managed to scare away with my abscent from blogin', sorry about that mina gosbollar!

Warning: This music may give you the syndrome I just got, and a massive rage-attack!