part I - Somewhere I Belong

26 November 2o1o

It's 8.oo AM and I've already pressed the snooze-button too many times for my alarm to ring again. I can't avoid it anymore, I feel the thought pushing on my forehead like an everlasting headache, "tomorrow I'll be in Chile, I'll see my sister again for the first time in ten long years, Tata and abuelito won't be there like last time though..." I feel all the surpressed emotions begin to rise, I have to close my eyes hard and concentrate on the inside of my eyelids to fight back the nausea.

My feet meet the cold texture of the bathroom floor and it helps me clear my head. I let the water run loud and hard in the bathtub to drown my thoughts while I undress and shower. The warm waters absence leaves me standing on the floor cold with my hair dripping along my back, I wrap a towel around my hair and next myself.

When I walk in to the kitchen I'm back in my pyjamas and have successfully emptied my head of thoughts and emotions and put myself on automode. I eat my breakfast with my mum and my older sister who's so nervous she hasn't been able to eat or sleep for the last two weeks.

Then everything is a blurr, the next thing I know we're in the airport and have already checked in the bags and are saying goodbye to mum, dad and my little sister. I feel sorry for mum cause she's all emotional and I just can't feel anything, I had already shut down that part of me some hours ago. I try to put on a halfsad face but I can still feel my absent face so I hug her tight and hide my face in her hair. I tell her I'll miss her and that I will call as soon as we've arrived and all that stuff your supposed to say but atleast I can say it like I mean it, because I do mean it. I hug my dad and he puts a big kiss on my forehead and I tell him that he and my little sister will be flying in just to weeks from now and we'll see eachother then, he gives me that kind of smile that reaches all the way up to the eyes. I kiss my little sister good bye and tell her I love her and I'll see her soon to so she better enjoy having mum and dad to herself while she can.

I'm pushed deeper back in my seat and see how everything is angled upwards, the takeoff is successfull but I don't relax and let go of my sisters hand until I hear that special *ping* and see the light of the belt-image go out. "Wow we're really on our way now, this is real, this is actually happening..." the stewardess brings us the food and I choose the vegeterian plate and the food is okay but I have to shove it in my mouth fast because I can feel my facade crumbling, and if I can't repair it soon I'll never be able to eat.
It's dark outside and most of the people around me are already sleeping, I try to sit comfortable and put my legs up so I can sleep but there's to little room and the people walking down the small aisle keeps disturbing me.

Somewhere in the end of the bad movie playing I guess I had some sleep cause when I open my eyes it is already bright outside and the fluffy dress of clouds is surprisingly white. We eat our breakfast and I start putting on some makeup. We're flying over Brazil now, the little I see is green, and it's a refreshing contrast to Swedens white and Europes grey.
Suddenly we're flying over Chile and next Santiago and we begin to land slowly and safely.

-End of part I -